No Matter What They Said, You Were Never a Bad Leader: Sensitive Women Lead Differently at Their Best
The Leadership Critiques We Get as Sensitive Women Often Sound Like This:
“You care too much. Toughen up.”
“You need to be more decisive, work faster, push harder.”
And, my personal least favorite, “never let ‘em see you cry.”
I’ll be honest, I tried for years to be that tough, aloof, wise leader on high that people expected me to be.
I swallowed those expectations and put them on myself.
And by all those metrics, I was a bad leader.
The Conventional Metrics Are Wrong
As a sensitive woman, I was never meant to lead according to the conventional standards of leadership in our patriarchal, capitalist system. I’d argue that the metrics themselves are wrong, but at the very least, they’re wrong for sensitive women.
To be a conventional leader, I’d have to completely shut down my sensitivity. Not only is that impossible (research1 shows that high sensitivity is inborn and permanent), trying not to be sensitive would cut me off from the things that make me the best kind of leader:
I’m empathic, intuitive, and creative
I’m responsive to the complexities of circumstances and don’t rush to a decision without considering multiple perspectives
I’m interested in the welfare of the group, not just what I can get out of being in charge
Those are qualities I don’t want to give up in myself, and I certainly don’t want other leaders to give up. Conventional leadership is what’s gotten us into this mess.
Leadership Feels Particularly Lonely as a Sensitive Woman
The particular loneliness of sensitive women leaders is something that too few people talk about in psychology, coaching, and mentoring circles. We get a double dose of challenges, stereotypes, and systemic barriers.
We struggle with imposter syndrome. Performance anxiety. Analysis paralysis.
And far too often, under the constant nervous system activation that conventional leadership brings, we get exhausted, disillusioned, burned out.
Our longevity as leaders—and therefore our potential to make an impact on the world—is threatened by the loneliness and pressures of leading.
We Need Kindred Spirits, Fellow Travelers, Leadership Besties to Go the Distance
I get that on some level, you don’t want to hear that community is what you need to lead your own way as a sensitive woman. I’m as introverted as anyone can be. I’ve found groups to be an overstimulating torture device inflicted on me by teachers and supervisors.
You’d like to just get 1:1 support, if you can’t figure it out on your own.
And yet…
My own growth as a leader has only come when I’ve been in community with other sensitive women. Healthy, functional spaces where no one is taking responsibility for other people, but where there is support, time to process, encouragement, celebration, and a healthy dose of wicked humor.
We Can’t Lead Well if We’ve Never Been Part of a Healthy Group with Healthy Leadership
That’s why I’m starting my Gentle Joy Women’s Leadership Collective. It’s a space for sensitive souls to live the experience of healthy community, healthy leadership (co-created with the members), and growing into your own vision of what leadership looks like.
Uniquely for you. At this stage of your life. Even when the world around us is on fire.
I made a video (below) so you can get a sense of what I’m like off the page (although I’d prefer to hide behind written words than be on video!). I want you to hear more about why I’m building the Collective for women like you.
And I’d love to hear what you want to know about the Collective.
Send me an email. Request a phone call or a Zoom chat, if that works better for you.
You, me, and a small group of other sensitive women leaders could spend the next six months growing, individually and as a group. I think we’ll change the world, or at least our local slices of it.
The world is waiting for us. I’d love to count you in as part of the Collective.
For sensitive women leaders who want to make a difference in the long run, find the right leadership map. Look no further than the Collective.
