Self-Acceptance and Change as Sensitive, Idealist Activists
Self-Acceptance and Change as Sensitive, Idealist Activists
Many highly sensitive people (HSPs) who are activists and idealists find themselves in a tug of war between wanting to embrace their sensitivity and wishing they could get rid of it. If that sounds like you, I encourage you to pay attention to that dialectic. Although seemingly contradictory, self-acceptance and change can be united to support you as your life evolves.
Why Self-Acceptance and Change are Difficult But Worth the Struggle
HSPs are susceptible to becoming overwhelmed by the kind of tension that this tug of war between self-acceptance and change creates inside us. Our nervous systems stay activated as our brains keep processing the thoughts and feelings related to this dialectic. Many of us try to avoid these challenges because of how uncomfortable it is to feel overwhelmed.
Here are three reasons why I think it HSPs can benefit from learning to tolerate the discomfort of exploring this tug of war:
1. Self-acceptance is unconditional love for yourself.
HSPs often excel at loving others unconditionally, but we may struggle to give ourselves that same unconditional love. “Unconditional” means seeing ourselves accurately, as a mixture of positive and negative qualities, with a history filled with both accomplishments and missteps, regrets, and errors. Self-acceptance will give us the same good feelings that we get from being unconditionally loved by others. We see ourselves as we truly are, and it feels wonderful to be seen in this way.
2. Self-acceptance can make it easier to change.
When we truly accept the complex picture of ourselves, we can begin to take stock of what changes we truly want to make. It becomes easier to let go of the “shoulds” and “oughts” of the world (as well as the ones we have internalized). We can make the right changes for us, for the right reasons, at the right time—we do what is “right” based on our highly personalized sense of self. Doing so enables us to put down the tug of war between self-acceptance and change, knowing that we are both simultaneously worthy and incomplete beings in need of growth.
3. Change can bring us to greater self-acceptance.
Some changes feel particularly taxing because they do not fit who we are. Even if we succeed in making the change, it might never feel natural or comfortable, because we are acting out of a false self. On the other hand, changes that reflect our true selves feel natural once they’re made. Let’s take the example of someone who wants to save money for retirement. If that person hates to cook, but decides to do a “no restaurant” month to save money, that change will be painful and hard to sustain, leaving the person feeling dissatisfied. On the other hand, if that person chooses to stop driving to work and ride their bike, which is fun and supports their lifestyle goals, that change is easier and more pleasant to sustain. When the changes we make help us align more fully with our values and genuine selves, we naturally develop greater self-acceptance.
Okay, But How Do We Do This as Sensitive, Idealistic Activists?
If I’ve convinced you that it may be worth putting yourself in the place to explore self-acceptance and change, you may be wondering how exactly to do that. After all, the insight alone is probably not enough to get you started. Here are three suggestions you can start to use right away:
1. Become curious about your version of this tug of war.
What pulls you strongly in one direction or another? What interferes with a decision you made to either accept or change something in your life? Can you see what would help you with each end of this dialectic? Your answers will reveal your next steps.
2. Is there a way that you can gently approach your sensitivity, rather than trying to control it or deny it?
When we can befriend parts of ourselves, we create space to accept those parts, just like we accept friends who differ significantly from us. We free up the energy of judgment to do other things for us, whether that may be self-acceptance or change.
3. Talk with someone you trust about how they handle issues of self-acceptance and change.
It may be an unusual conversation to start, but I can assure you from sitting with hundreds of clients that this is a common human struggle. If you do not have someone you can have this conversation with, consider contacting a therapist or joining a support group to explore this tension. It may be especially helpful to find someone who specializes in working with HSPs.
Choose Self-Acceptance and Change
I hope you’ll allow yourself to embrace your tendency to stay the same (whether or not you feel “stuck”) as well as the ways that you continue to change and grow. The more you can cultivate self-acceptance, the less energy you’re giving to fighting who you are. Self-acceptance frees up energy to make choices based on your values, needs, and desires. And doing that helps you build a Singularly Sensitive lifestyle that fits you now and as you move through your life.
